did we regress or did nobody learn
constantly, constantly terrified that instead of learning, people just stay quiet for a bit. the treatment of amber heard during this trial felt like evidence of that.
Broadly, this is going to be about the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard defamation trial verdict. Not about the details of it. I’ll link at the bottom what I’ve found worth reading about that, but this is a more overarching thought. Thanks to Karishma for being my advanced reader!
There is and will be a lot of talk about whether this trial and its public discourse signal “the death of the #MeToo movement” and the reversal of the gains of recent feminism. Like a lot of other social causes, it is framed as the backlash to momentous social progress. Here’s my fear, and this applies to more than misogyny.
Based on the way that I’ve seen “supporters” (the fact that in a defamation trial about domestic violence, there are “supporters” is bad, but we are far past that bad at this point) of Depp try to argue, the most significant takeaway from the #MeToo movement they might have gotten is rhetoric that can be twisted and misused. A couple examples of things that are true but are being twisted:
Men are victims of domestic violence. That’s a true statement. It’s often even harder for them to come forward because of the assumption that they cannot be victims. We should support men as well. I have seen this fact used to explain why Amber Heard must be a liar and everyone who doubts that is actually deeply problematic.
We should listen to victims/survivors of abuse. That’s a true statement. People are leveraging that as universal expertise and credibility. That’s not how it works. Victims/survivors are certainly experts in their own experience.
Physical assault is terrible. That’s a true statement. Physical assault is not the same as abuse. Abuse can involve physical assault, but it doesn’t necessarily. Abuse is about power and control, and “mutual abuse” is generally agreed upon to be a damaging and inaccurate idea.
It feels like the actual points the #MeToo movement was trying to make were simply not internalized. The logic of hating women, of being willing to do incredible mental gymnastics to not believe them, of not accepting anything less than the perfect victim, remains blatantly, evidently present! The inability to see women as whole people continues on. The unlimited capacity to forgive and redeem men who have done awful, awful things and who have shown little to no genuine remorse and learning remains.
It feels like a lot of people didn’t learn; they just didn’t have the specific context to broadcast their misogyny in, until now. A lot of people seem to be making the argument that we should “believe women, just not this woman,” as a way to pretend they have nuanced, critical analysis in this situation. What it feels like they’re saying is, “believe women” until a situation where I like the man in question more than I like the woman saying he is abusive. “Believe women” until the woman isn’t perfectly blameless, which ultimately means “don’t believe women” because nobody will be the perfect victim. Obviously, the blanket slogan of “believe women” isn’t meant to be taken literally across every situation on earth. It was meant to be a response to the fact that women are so often not believed. The response to the trial has been a bleak, devastating response to “believe women.” A response to the response to a longstanding social reality.
Feminism is not about hating men, it’s not about women girlbossing their way into positions of power and then acting exactly like the men that were in those positions before them. Feminism is not about essentializing womanhood to those assigned female at birth. Feminism is not a justification/defense for every decision a woman makes. Obviously and thankfully, I do not speak with any authority on what feminism must be, but here’s what I think feminism is about. Feminism is about equality between men and women (and everyone all along the spectrum of gender), and seeing everyone as complicated, flawed people deserving of empathy and care. I am very, very tired of seeing feminism misrepresented, misconstrued, and misinterpreted for peoples’ individual gain or for the purposes of misogyny. I am absolutely horrified by the last six weeks of vitriolic hatred against Amber Heard. I am terrified that when it looks like social progress is won, a vast majority of people don’t actually fully agree with it, don’t understand what the goal actually is, haven’t internalized the idea of empathy for marginalized groups, and will get easily swept up in the ensuing and inevitably miserable backlash. Some people do learn, and some people do know, and I wish we could all do that. I can’t tell if we regress or we don’t learn. It breaks my heart to read about, and it breaks my heart to know it will have material consequences for so many people.
I agree that this trial should not have been televised and followed like entertainment, and that people are way too invested. The misinformation and misunderstanding has been rampant, including from people who have no explicit opinion on the trial itself. And it has been joked about in ways that have shocked and disappointed me. So. Here we are.
If you want to actually read about anything in detail, I’ll link the following:
TW: domestic violence, physical violence
Thread going through specific evidence:
Beyond the Amber Heard-Johnny Depp Trial, the Term ‘Mutual Abuse’ Hurts All Victims
The Johnny Depp Defamation Trial Will Hurt Abuse Victims for Decades to Come
On the role social media played here:
Why Are So Many Survivors Supporting Johnny Depp?
‘Men Always Win’: Survivors ‘Sickened’ by the Amber Heard Verdict
Sending this to everyone I know whose takes have leaned Depp while lacking #MeToo context!